Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
