is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
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Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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