ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
