I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
