Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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