I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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