College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
