Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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