soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
