That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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