My liver just broke up with me...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
