she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
