Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
