I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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