and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
