I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
