I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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