i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
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I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.