would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.