remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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