dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.