their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.