I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
