you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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