Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
