You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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