Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
