she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
