The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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