"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
