u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
