Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
