I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
