Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
