I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My friends, they love my intelligence
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
