I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
