just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
