I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
