I'll bet she douches with gravy.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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