remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
