Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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