why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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