One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
