yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
