I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
