you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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