The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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