this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Shame is for Republicans.
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