part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
