But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
