Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
