They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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