so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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