oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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