you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
