just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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