Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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