Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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