remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
