You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize