i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
