Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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