At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
