"it" just moved
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
