We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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