I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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