We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
