3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
