This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
