Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
