He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
