You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
