And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
