I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
