I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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