it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
