I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
