I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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