took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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