omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
