So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
