I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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