It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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