Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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