Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
