It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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