I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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