I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
