And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
